8.12.2006

Mood: Swollen
Music: America's Most Wanted on TV

So I leave the country in less than a week. It's weird because this summer has passed by so incredibly fast. Before I knew it, I was done with 7 weeks of camp and suddenly only have 5 more days with possibly the best group of co-workers I've ever had. And it's weird to think that when I get back from Asia, summer camp will be over; half my friends will be back at school aready, and I, myself, will have to get over being jetlagged and finish packing the rest of my stuff to go back to SB for my senior year. My SENIOR YEAR?! What? I'm not even 21 yet!!! But for sure I'm looking forward to living with my best friend and having my freedom back. But I'm not looking forward to leaving the people I'm close to in the valley, yet again. I really need to just graduate and find a place to stay permanently - at least for longer than 9 months at a time. Everything is going to be so different when I get back to SB. I'm still not quite over the fact that half my SB friends have already graduated and won't be coming back in Sept.

The other day, a parent asked me why I decided to go to UCSB and not somewhere closer, like CSUN. To tell you the truth, the reasons I had back when I had just graduated from Cleveland High are probably not the same I would say now. Yeah, SB seemed like the best choice because
1) It was the best UC I got accepted to
2) It was far enough away from my parents and close enough to where I could come home IF i wanted to
3) No one I was close to was going there - I could somewhat start with a clean slate

But now, SB was a good choice for me because
1) It's given me an education I appreciate and is constantly pushing me to work my ass off
2) I would have never been connected to my "Asian-ness" if I hadn't gone to the whitest UC in California. Wierd right? But really, I met some of the best ppl here.
3) I would have probably had a harder time finding a group to dance with
4) The partying rumor is true, and is the best ever.

When I think about it though, maybe living at home wouldn't have been that bad? Well not HOME, but in the valley. I could've been close to some of my best friends who did end up staying in LA ... friendships and relationships would have gone alot farther instead of being cut short every September. I probably would've gotten the same valuable education at CSUN or UCLA, but I wouldn't have had the opportunity to be free and be on my own as an adult. My parents would have been just 10 minutes away - I would have been confined to coming home every weekend or even worse, living at home these last 4 years. My relationship with my mother and father have gotten a kabillion times better ever since I moved out.

This part of the summer is always the hardest because I've been spending the past 2 months reconnecting with the valley and the people I love here and suddenly everything has to change and I get 9 months to reconnect with my friends in SB. Not really fair right? Yeah, if the friendship is strong, I'll be able to make anything work no matter the distance - but time is key to anything. When I'm in SB, I just don't have enough time for anything that's not right there in front of my face. Well at least that's what has happened in the past 3 years. But this year, it's gonna be different. I'm going to make it different. I'm not willing to be scared of making something work because it's not handed to me on a silver platter. Some things you just have to work for in order to get it and Im still learning that.

I'm glad when I get back from the trip, I'll still have about a week or 2 until I have to go back to SB and settle into school life. That will give me time to tie up loose ends and reconnect to not being on vacation anymore.

P.S. I got my 2nd wisdom tooth taken out today and it hurt like a B****. And I look like a chipmunk on one side of my face, but I'm hoping it'll go away before work on Monday.

6.11.2006

Mood: Pained/Dissapointed
Music: Ashlee Simpson

My fucking left eye is swollen to oblivion. Why? Who knows? Hopefully the Health Center will tomorrow when I go to figure it out. It looks like Toan punched me in the eye .. twice. I thought it was okay when it first started cuz last week my other eye swelled up for no reason, but it was not this bad at all. Now I'm kind of worried and hope that it'll go away ASAP. It really freaking hurts and I can't open by left eye completely.

Besides that, just 5 more days and it's bye bye to junior year and HELLO i'm a senior in college! 3 finals stand in the way of that status. Luckily I finished my paper for As Am early so I dont have to worry about that after I finish finals.

Time is passing by way too fast even for finals week. Yeah me and Toan are doing great, but the thought of him moving away from SB still makes me flinch with sadness. Hopefully we can spend time together during this last week even tho it's finals and he finishes later than me this quarter.

I love this every quarter: Fuck I Never Acutally Learned Shit. SO true. so true.

6.05.2006

Mood: Loved
Music: Rihanna - Unfaithful

So there's only one more week left of classes. And then, finals (dun dun dun) ... and then graduation for seniors and it will officially be summer vacation 2006! I am so excited that I really just want this week to be over.
This is what really stands in my way of vacation:
English 104A final: Tues 8am
Greek 100A final: Wed 12pm
As Am 132 final: Wed 7:30pm
As Am 122 paper: due Thurs
And I only have work at the center Mon and Fri that week. I'm slowly preparing myself for these finals (k not really) and hopefully I won't be too stressed out. I really have nothing else to focus on now a days since dance and CAA stuff are virtually over. But the exciting/crazy news?!

Next year I will be Interval Vice President of CAA (yay go Exec board!) AND Co-coordinator for Endeavor Dance

It's insane and still kind of surreal for me. I know that being in both positions means alot more work and it'll be way time consuming next year, but I still see them as both fulfilling and I'm ready for the responsibility. But it's hard to think that I will also be taking 4 classes and still trying to keep up my 16 hours at the daycare and babysitting AS much as I can. I can't afford not to ... like I always say. In reality, being busy is what I always do to myself. But we'll see how the first quarter goes and if I go insane, then I know it's not gonna work to do be doing all that hahaha. Trial and error.

Anyway so this summer will be bittersweet, of course. Toan is graduating the 17th along with ALL my senior friends. He's gonna be moving back home and *poof* long distance relationship here we come. I really have faith in us and believe that we will make the best of the situation. Why am I so positive about it? Because he is the first boy I truly believe it WILL work. I love him. But I sure will miss that guy.

I'm working at Kamp K again ... hoping that it will be a good summer and I'll get a good group of kids like I did in the previous years. I can't wait to be called Silky more often than my own name hahaha. Silly, I know.

Another thing that's exciting about the summer: going to Asia! Well specifically, Vietnam Hong Kong and China for 3 weeks in August/Sept. with my family. I'm soooo stoked about it because I haven't been back since I was 8 and this time I'm going with my brother so I won't be so alone and out of the loop everywhere cuz of the language barrier. Fun times ahead!

Speaking of summer, I have a few goals for myself to accomplish before I head back to UCSB for the fall.
- I want to go to a Dodgers game! I don't care if I don't understand the game ... I just wanna say that I've been to one.
- Learn how to swim (I'm a really good faker)
- Go to the Getty Museum
- Lose some weight and get back to my old size ... no comments please, it's definitely a mental/personal thing
- Stay away from drama as much as possible! (this is always a goal wherever I go ...)

Okayyy time to study!

5.14.2006

Mood: Embarrassed by my boyfriend who is playing the "who has the most embarrassing music on their computers" game with his roommate
Music: Circle of Life ... yeah that's right.

Can I just say that this weekend back home was probably the best thing ever? I seriously needed to get away from the stress I call UCSB. *sigh* summer needs to come asap. These are just a few of the things that kept me extremely happy the past 2 days:

- the HOT HOT sun ... I can't FREAKING wait til it gets warm and shorts/skirts weather again
- spending endless hours with Arielle, reading each other's minds when we walk by anything, shopping, gossiping, EATING
- got to wash my car and keep it clean for more than a day
- spending time with my brother and Mylene ... god, I missed them. I can't wait to spend next weekend with them after my competition
- playing with Snickers, their dog! He is such a cutie!
- not having a curfew cuz my parents went to Vegas (yeah, didn't see my mom on actual Mother's Day hehehe)
- Swap meet and buying 2 new bellyrings
- Stocking up on Old Navy sandals ... 2 pairs for 5 bucks! Gotta get em early or they run outta my size quick!
- Dim Sum for brunch
- Basically having the weekend be a preview to how summer will be. I pretty much spent my weekend with 3 people I love and wish I could see more often.

Then on my drive home, I got Starbucks before I got on the freeway. WHOOO that kept me wayyyy hyper. I ended up driving the entire hour and 15 minute ride blasting my music and singing at the top of my lungs by myself .. while drivers who passed me gave me weird looks. It was the best feeling and I felt so free and without a care in the world. After I unpacked, I got to finally see Toan and that was a great feeling too. He is one of the few things keeping me extremely happy here in SB during all these chaotic days. I love him =)

It's not like I'm unhappy here. I honestly love SB and the life I live here. I think I'm just kinda tired of the quarter. Yeah, it's been going by sooo fast and I'm sure when finals are over I'll be really sad to see everyone graduate. Actually, I KNOW I'll be sad. I'm just tired everyday. I'm tired of working 16 hour weeks at the preschool, and on top of that another 10-15 babysitting for like 5 different families. It's awesome that the families are recommending me to the families - it builds up my connections, but I sometimes need to figure out my priorities. And on top of that, dance competition is in LESS than a week and practices are hardcore. I'll be glad when that's all over with and I acutally have somewhat of a life after classes and work. But I will always Endeavor Forever.

I thought living 2 separate lives in SB and the valley would suck. And it does sometimes cuz I can't really seem to learn how to interconnect the two. But I kinda like always having a place to go and get away if I get tired of one place. During the summer in the valley, I can always take weekend trips to SB with no stress of school to worry about and just have fun. And when I'm in SB and just need to get away, I can go HOME and relax.

Classes end in 3 weeks. The quarter ends in 4. I have another exam Tuesday, 2 papers due after competition is over (SHIT), and then finals (dun dun dun). I have to miss Toan's walking ceremony cuz I have to go to orientation, but I will be back that day right after to spend time with him and his family. I know, it sounds horrible and I don't wanna miss it, but I can't miss orientation. And I have to use the week after graduation/ week before camp starts to move my shit back and forth from apt to the new place/back home ... it'll be hectic for sure.

So to sum it up, this weekend made me extremely happy and I'm still riding that high while it lasts before the school week starts again. I can't wait til competition is over, we've worked so hard and I hope it pays off in the end.

Time to listen to the songs the guys are playing ... how embarrassing.

5.09.2006

Mood: Hyped off coffee
Music: Toan's listening to Boyz II Men

Just got back from another long dance practice. But this one was really productive. We're finally done learning all the dances (and the last one is a doozy) and we're done with formations except for one dance. We still need an intro and outro and some transitions, but its not too bad. We're performing Thursday nite for the Zeta Phi Rho's Luau, which will be our first performance with our new routine. I'm excited! It definitely won't be perfect, but it will be really good practice for us in preparation for our competition that is less than 2 weeks away. I don't mind the practices really ... now that we're running thru with the mix and trying to clean things up. I still have to remember my formation positions ... there are SO many! And it's hard to keep track of where I'm supposed to be in every dance. My costume is not really done yet, and I'm nervous cuz Kim convinced me to wear something BOLD and daring ... but I'm gonna follow thru with it cuz it was really expensive! I can't decide if I wanna wear the exact All Cal costume on Thurs or maybe just tone it down a bit cuz the atmosphere will be different.

Meanwhile, I have TWO midterms on Thursday back to back in the morning. Oh woe is me. I honestly don't know how to study for either of them, NOR do i have the time really cuz I have both classes with Ben and our schedules are really different. Even though I'm not babysitting Kelsea for the month, somehow I still end up babysitting some other kid or working more hours at the center. Tomorrow nite after all my classes I'm babysitting Ben, one of my preschoolers at the center. And then straight from class to babysitting, I gotta go to dance, which I will be late to. Oh well ... I gotta work!

I'm excited to go home this weekend! I just wanna be in the valley again. My brother and I are going home to take our annual pictures for my mom. Too bad she's going to Vegas that weekend. Ironic right? oh well, that means no curfew for me! Hahaha that's the best part. Even tho I do miss my momma. But it'll be nice to spend time with my bro and he'll finally get to see my car! Can you believe it's been over a month and HE hasn't even seen it yet?!

This quarter is going by rediculously fast. It's already the 6th week. WTF!? Granted I have 3 more midterms, 2 papers, and then finals to deal with on top of competition and a bunch of CAA events, and just looking ahead in my planner gives me a headache, but it's going by sooooo quick. What the heck. before I know it, everyone is gonna be graduating .. including Toan. But then again, no need to damper my mood yet. Time to try and sleep ... considering I'm still rather hyper from my Snickers mocha courtesy of Java Jones. =)

4.15.2006

Mood: This is why I work 2 jobs ...
Music: Neyo - When You're Mad

Okay ... so it's basically my first weekend with nothing TOO exciting going on. And I'm bored! it's 10pm and I wanna just read my book and go to bed cuz I have nothing to do! Maybe this is why I got 2 jobs? I could do homework, but it's Saturday nite and there HAS to be some unspoken college rule for that. I could do the normal partying, but it doesn't seem like anything is crackin tonight, which is fine by me cuz the thoughts a hangover like I had last weekend isn't too appealing again. I could spend time with my bf, which is what I was doing all day (thankfully), but I'm currently a bit lazy to drive over there. I will later.

Now that the 2nd week of school just ended, CAA and dance has started. I missed it, but at the same time, its another 8 or so hours out of my week, never really ending my nights til 11 - 11:30, when they are already starting at 7 or 8am everyday because of work all day or school all day. But you know what? I NEED to be busy. I need to be able to handle it all because it makes me feel accomplished. I've learned to only watch about an hour or 2 of TV before I have to do something else (so no more random vegging, unless I'm home in the valley ... that's an exception), I always read before bed so it helps me with my reading in school, and oddly enough, it teaches me how to utilize every hour of the day, which may sound really OCDish or just plain insane. But it keeps me motivated and I have to force myself to make time to do hw, have down time, get a decent # of sleep hours, and still have time to enjoy my days.

I gotta admit though, my jobs aren't too stressful. Sometimes I start to lose my patience, which is the most important thing you need to have when working with children and then it gets frustrating, but overall, I have it alot easier than other people. Jobs are jobs though right? I'm good at what I do and I am making time for everything. Again this quarter, me and Toan basically have opposite schedules. I have class when he doesn't, and he has class when I have a break. I work during the day and end around 5:30, while he starts work at 5 and ends at 9, when I have to go to dance practice. It's a real bummer and it's alot of work to keep it from putting a strain on our relationship. But so far, its workable. And I'm glad.

Homeeee. I get to go home next Fri-Sat to get my alarm fixed in my beeyooteeful TC, even tho it's been rained and shitted (shat) on already so I'll have to wash it when I get home. But then I have to come back Saturday evening/nite because of the CAA annual Pool Tournament at Q's Sushi downtown on State Street. I hope I make it back in time, cuz it'll take 3 hours for my car at the dealer while they install it. Oh well.

I guess it's time to go to Toans cuz it's about 10:30 ... anything past 10 and I start feeling better about wanting to go to bed cuz it's not AS early. Spoken like a true college student: not sleeping before 12 is like another unspoken rule. I've learned a few since I've been at UCSB and I'm sure it applies to all the other colleges too, or mostly anyway. Should make a list and post it on myspace or something lol.

4.10.2006

Mood: grateful
Music: RENT - Seasons of Love

Why am I grateful? Because my parents allowed me to purchase a new car this weekend. I now own a Dark Gray Scion TC, which is beautiful btw. The down payment is the money we get for selling my Civic and the rest will be in monthly payments that *I* will be paying for for the next 4 years. So don't call me spoiled, don't call me a daddy's girl. I'm grateful for my parents for being there the entire way thru this whole ordeal on finding a new car that was reliable and something I really wanted. This car was BRAND new ... it only had ONE mile on it when I got to drive it home this past Saturday. So please, spare me the dumb looks when you see me driving it or hear me talking about it. I'm excited about it and probably will be for the next week or so. Please and thank you. I'm one lucky girl and I'm well aware of it. Alright??

In other news, Spring quarter started. It's the 2nd week and I can already feel the overtly tiredness everyday. I'm starting the routine of taking daily naps in order to function normally. I pretty much work 8-9 hours Mon, Wed, and Fri from a combination of the Children's Center and babysitting. And Tues and Thurs I have class 9:30-12:15 and then 3:30-6:15; gym for an hour, and dance practice starts Mon, Wed, Thurs 9-11:30pm. Joy. But I admit, I miss seeing the dancers and CAA ppl. The good thing about my busy weekday schedule is that my weekends are virtually free for extra side babysitting/ and spending countless hours with my bf. Same ole same ole. I'm counting down the days til Summer Vacation because frankly, SB is getting old. Maybe its' just the weather. Rain needs to stop. Time to do more hw and reading. Have a good week everyone!